I think my fart just growled at me.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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