the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
