What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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