he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
