You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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