i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
