it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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