I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
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At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
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His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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