Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
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Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
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I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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