OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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