Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
