i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
