Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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