if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
