I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
