No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere