if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.