I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms