OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
