so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
