Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
