if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
