This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
