Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I am mentally ready for anal.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
