Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
