the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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