I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
