Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Randomize
