but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
