That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
