Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
