Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
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I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
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she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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