If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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