Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
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I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
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too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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