Sry I called you an 8
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
there was a trapeze. enough said
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
