Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
