I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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