we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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