gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
