Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
