Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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