she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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