I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My friends, they love my intelligence
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
