Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
