you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I think I have vodka in my lungs
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I want to fling myself into the sun
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
