she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
