There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
