Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
