This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
