Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
