forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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