she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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