GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
