if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
