i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
