the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
