You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
