I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
