he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
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Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
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His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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