she woke up with a sticky ear
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
