ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
