you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
birth control should be required to get into college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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