It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
