I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
