I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
