i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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