Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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