I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
