I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
